At this time of year I’m reminded of the time I took my young daughter with me for a quick visit to a funeral home…not really anyone she knew so I didn’t think it would have an impact. On the way home she became tearful and said she didn’t want to die. Not anticipating this at such a young age, I began searching my mind for something I could use to comfort her that she would understand….the Easter story came to mind.
We were not church goers but the preschool had been teaching the Easter story so I knew she would be familiar with it. When I told her about the resurrection and that Jesus really didn’t die but came back again in a different form, I could see the tension in her face leave as she contemplated the whole story. It was enough to comfort her and dissolve some of the fear…after all everyone she trusted was telling the same story.
What this incident reminds me of is the significance of stories for things that are fearful and unexplainable. Some keep the same beliefs throughout their lives and are comforted by them with no desire to change the story line. I have changed my comfort story many times throughout my life….even realizing they are comfort stories can create another story.
With things that are unexplainable, the best we can do is in the form of stories, metaphors or pointers. I can get caught up in arguing the validity of certain stories but at this time of year I am again reminded that it probably doesn’t matter about the content of the story because in the end it’s all about the comfort of the recipient.
I was vacuuming my bedroom, pulled out the bed stand and noticed a dark spot on the carpet. Since I have a new puppy I went about my clean up routine, got the cleaner and rag and started scrubbing. I did quite a bit of scrubbing and the spot would not come out of the carpet. I looked up to the top of the bed stand and realized that the spot I had been scrubbing was the shadow of an object on the table! It was the shadow of a fly swatter! How crazy is that?
I wouldn’t admit to this except that my immediate reaction was laughter and the old tale of the rope being mistaken for a snake went through my mind. But then looking deeper, I wondered how many other situations/objects do I mistake for reality? For those few moments I was convinced I knew the reality of my purpose ….to clean the spot obviously made by the puppy. When in reality all I had to do was remove the object producing the shadow and my problem was eliminated. I wish I could remember that seeking the Truth is just as easy…..
Filed under Absolute, Direct Experience, Enlightenment, Mind, Nonduality, Reality, Seeker, Self Identity, Self Realization, Shadow, Spirituality, Truth, Uncategorized
Every year I host our family Christmas party. We have a large family with over 35 people attending bringing food and presents. I have hosted and attended many gatherings of that size and if planned correctly they can result in some sort of organized chaos. Not this event…no matter how much I plan, it seems to end up being a totally “unorganized” chaos. I don’t know if this comes from one of my control issues or if it’s just the dynamics of this particular group. Since most seem to enjoy themselves I’m assuming it is likely my perception of unorganized chaos.
I try to prepare myself for dealing with the chaos and see it as a test of my centering practice. All I have to do is find my center and enjoy the show….but this never happens, not even for a moment. Most of the year I spend time in self realization, self inquiry, meditation and other various spiritual practices…so what good is it if it can all be erased in four hours?
It’s as if I have forgotten everything and am totally immersed in a whirlpool of activity that leaves me exhausted and wondering what exactly happened. What to do when caught in a whirlpool? I know nothing of whirlpools but after a little investigation it seems they are unavoidable if you’re following the flow of the river. The best you can do is to just deal with it for a while and then it releases you back into the flow. Doesn’t do much good to plan for it….
“Managing Whirlpools” by Ken Whiting (World Champion Kayaker)
“In many cases whirlpools can be totally unpredictable and pop up in front of you unexpectedly. Fortunately there is a way of dealing with them if you can’t miss them. You can actually enter the whirlpool and use its energy to your advantage to get through it……If you fight the whirlpool’s current, you’ll get sucked into its maw……unfortunately the only way to really develop your comfort level with whirlpools is to play around in them.”
Modified excerpt from “The Ultimate Guide to Whitewater Kayaking”
I usually don’t have a particular intention during meditation but today I had the intention to understand my next step in this spiritual journey. I feel like I’m jumping around again between different teachers seeing the sameness in all their teachings. I put out this intention…didn’t get an answer so I quit meditating early with a bit of an attitude. The attitude was one of feeling discouraged wondering if I will ever be content to just “be”.
I sporadically keep a journal. I picked it up and read about a dream I had almost exactly a year ago to the day. I was trying to find a connection at a train station. I was running around trying to find the next train, up and down stairs, in elevators and then a man appears in a chair with wheels and says he knows the way and to hop in. It was uncomfortable fitting in the chair with him at first but I got settled in and we flew through the station quickly. I remember the relieve of giving up looking on my own and letting him navigate. I don’t remember if we made it because the next thing I remember is looking at him from a distance and he was eating chocolates not worrying about catching the train at all. Then I started judging whether he was the right one to lead me after all and the anxiety started again.
Well, here I am a year later still looking for the next train. But now I finally realize why I never want to stop seeking or looking for the next train. If I stop seeking I’m afraid of going back to sleep again and living my little mechanical life outside of awareness.
My spiritual life has always been a priority for me and I try to keep it strong because my little life has never seemed as important to me as my spiritual life. It came to me that I need to switch that notion and make my little life a priority because that is what is..right now. It’s not attached to the next teacher or to the cushion. This is one of the common threads in most teachings but now I may be actually getting it.
I’ll have to remind myself (probably often) that the fear of going backward and living that mechanical life outside of awareness is not possible because my hope is that once it’s seen… it cannot be unseen. My next step is to realize that my little life is what is important….living it within awareness is the practice.
I guess maybe having an intention during meditation is a good thing after all.
I walked a large outside labyrinth this weekend. I had never walked an outside labyrinth nor one this large. I was the only one walking so I walked a moderate pace and it took 45 minutes. It was in an open field with a narrow uneven mowed down path in grass and wildflowers that were knee-high. At the beginning I was thinking of the history of the labyrinth dating back to 4500 BC showing up in every culture around the world and the mystery of it all.
Then I started thinking about the correct “procedure” of walking the labyrinth, was I walking too fast, too slow, this is walking meditation, I need to stop thinking so much, how much longer until I reach the center? All the same things that happen during regular meditation. After about ten minutes this mental activity slowed down and I began to notice how many crickets there were on the path, and butterflies and all the different kinds of flowers.
Then I became interested in my destination and started looking ahead trying to see the center but I couldn’t tell where it was because of the tall grass. I could only see about four feet in front of me…I couldn’t look ahead.. all I could do was follow the path because I knew it would lead to the center eventually. When I got to the center I thought maybe there would be something there to symbolize the end of the journey, even just a candle or something….there was nothing. I stood there for a moment but didn’t have the desire to stay for any long length of time contemplating so I headed out on the same path out of the center.
I noticed that the walk out of the center was a little faster pace and easier for some reason. I hadn’t noticed earlier that the walk into the center seemed harder and longer but now noticed that walking in the uneven terrain was much easier. I stopped and looked back at the center a couple of times but again I couldn’t see it when I looked back. Then all of a sudden the path opened up and I was done. That was definitely meditation in motion…..
It’s been a long time since I have posted anything here. I know that I’m supposed to be a retired seeker but I fell off the wagon and have been obsessed with reading, listening to videos, seeking for something that is almost within my grasp. These spiritual binges usually start when I come across a spiritual teacher who resonates with me at this particular time and seems to be transmitting exactly what I need to hear. I keep reading and listening because the missing piece that I need to keep this spiritual light glowing might just be in the next book or video.
Most seekers know the old “I’ve had it – but can’t keep it” feeling so the goal is to find the missing piece of the puzzle that tells you how to keep it so there will be an end to seeking and living in a state of bliss will be your norm. That’s just it, seeking with a goal in mind….seeking with an urgency that something else is about to dawn and everything will be cleared up once and for all.
So after almost two months, I realize that the addicted seeker is still alive and active. The addicted seeker is always seeking a different experience than what is happening right now. Don’t get me wrong….I love seeking for Truth and love the way it makes me feel and experience life but now I can see the difference between an addicted seeker and a lover of Truth with more clarity.
The addicted seeker is driven by the desire to re-experience the pleasure achieved through a spiritual experience similar to any addict wanting to have another pleasurable experience. A lover of Truth is not driven to find some missing link that will keep the enlightened state active. A lover of Truth is not looking for anything…only experiencing.
“The experience of “I’ve got it and I lost it” is a very, very valuable experience for the spiritual seeker……..But after living this I-got-it-I-lost-it swing, eventually that me stops believing its own delusion. Something starts to see through it, recognizing that this isn’t freedom………Always waiting for the next experience is bondage.” ~ Adyashanti
I started this blog when I began the process of retiring from the search and I have to admit that over the last year there has still been more seeking than non-seeking going on. Nonduality has been my focus and naturally coming out of that is a different kind of seeking, the seeking of direct experience or direct inquiry.
I still hold the assumption that there is someone in here experiencing things and people out there. I have accomplished being the witness of thoughts and things (most of the time) but now what is behind the witness has been my question. Direct experience may be what will eventually replace the witness but letting the witness go is difficult and requires a shift in perception.
This shift in perception reminds me of illusionary art called stereograms where a 3D image is hidden within a drawing and you can only see the hidden image if you learn to re-focus your gaze. When you finally see it, it magically appears out of nothing. Most instructions tell you not to focus on the picture but fix your gaze beyond it. I was never good at finding the hidden images.
I recently reintroduced myself to the teachings of Francis Lucille which led me to again consider the Direct Path experiments by Greg Goode. Maybe the timing is right to get down to some serious direct experience investigation so a few days ago I started the experiments which seem to be similar to learning to look through the illusion and see the hidden images.
The first experiment in the Direct Path involves the perception of hearing because it’s supposed to be the easiest. During the experiment of ringing a bell, at first the sound still seems to be coming from the object of the bell and I can’t get past that. Looking closer…since I am to use only the sense of hearing I just hear the sound without the interpreter telling me that the sound is coming from a bell. Maybe that’s it…my direct experience is that hearing is just happening with or without the use of an interpreter.
One experiment down and 39 more to go….This could be intense but I’ll keep you posted. If there is anyone else out there who has already been on this part of journey and the hidden image in the picture has appeared, please let me know.
There’s supposed to be a shark hidden in here somewhere…I can’t see it yet.
Photo Credit: Wikipedia